do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
