i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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