i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
