Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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