Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
