Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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