well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
