if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
