Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think i got beer on your cat.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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