im six kinds of drunk right now
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
