Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
