apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
