I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
