I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bring me that man meat
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
