He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
