Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
