this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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