Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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