new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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