Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
