yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
