Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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