hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
