GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
