but the lizard people decide everything anyway
two words: eviction party
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
