Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize