Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
