i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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