We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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