I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
