margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
