How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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