I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
