is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
