yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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