Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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