About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
