you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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