well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
