my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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