I'm so fucking centered right now
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
