moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
