i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
