dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
