To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
