remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
