mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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