the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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