Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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