Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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