I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the day after is always just damage control
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
