why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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