dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
