end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
