how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
two words: eviction party
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize