Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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