I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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