After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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