She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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