There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
