I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
